Terrill the Brave

My miniature dachshund Terrill knows no fear. I however, can not say the same about myself. Last night on our before bed walk, Terrill fearlessly cornered one BIG possum! It was twice his size and definitely not in the mood to "play possum." If it hadn't been for the retractable leash, I'm not sure what I would have done! I think that possums are quite possibly the ugliest creatures on earth and they have the ability to scare the bejeesus out of me! Thank goodnes my 8 pound dog was there to protect me.

(The pic is Terrill at 3 months - adorable, right?)

Nunu New Year

It's 2009. I know that I don't have to tell anyone that, but it helps me to see it in print as many times as possible. '08 is history and I have enjoyed seeing all the lists, resolutions, promises and good intentions of my fellow members of the human race now that a new year has arrived. I wish everyone the best of luck in fulfilling all their hopes and dreams of 2009.
On our first day back to work after a long holiday break, the staff was treated to an inspirational speaker. Now, I have seen my share of these so called "inspirerers" and some are great and some are mediocre and some just plain old miss the motivational mark. Thankfully, the gentleman addressing our staff lived up to his title. Among some of his more colorful phrases that I enjoyed:

• "Nobody rises to low expectations."
• "Fake it till you make it."
• "If you've never been on fire, you can't be burned out."

I know that there are some people who, no matter what they are told or who it is that tells them, will not be motivated to do much of anything, except for what they were doing, (or not doing) in the first place. These "doing nothings" (or "doons" for short) are the people I choose in the new year to completely disassociate myself with. Their only accomplishment, besides excessive complaining and copious long lunch & break taking, is to make more work for the rest of us in the form of slack that has to be picked up and responsibilities that will have to be met because they do not fulfill their duties. I know we all work with these people, or at least know some of them. So rather than complain about it, I am making it my goal to accept the fact that they exist and acknowledge that in having to make up for their shortcomings, I will probably make the world (or at least my work environment) a better place to be. I will waste no more time letting their incompetence be a source of aggravation. They suck. They will continue to suck. Giving them any sort of empowerment over me REALLY sucks, so I will remove their ability to tick me off and treat them as what they are. Suckers. And at the end of the day, even if my hand is the only one doing it, I will pat myself on the back for a job well done. Tasks will be completed and I will feel a sense of accomplishment. And the "doons"? I don't know what they will feel, except maybe fat and lazy because they went out to lunch again and gorged on fast food.

Homo For the Holidays

My fellow staff members have been required by our boss to put together a "Holiday Celebrations Around the World" program. It focuses on all the customs and traditions of many countries and populations around the world, hence the name. It got me to thinking, "How do my people celebrate the Holidays?" And by my people, I am not talking about the farming, coal mining, educators of the central Midwest that lay claim to me biologically. I am referring to my "Family," i.e. the Gays.
I have to admit that we are largely responsible for what some people claim to be the bane of the holiday existence: Materialism. Frankly, we do a copious amount of shopping the entire year round, but we really tend to out do ourselves in December. Between the parties we throw (and attend), the retail stores we patronize, run, and frequently find ourselves employed in, and the total number of presents that we buy (actual presents that the recipients are actually HAPPY to receive), we are spending mucho dinero. We love it (until January when the MasterCard bill comes).
Also, you have to consider the costumes. We wouldn't be caught dead in your average holiday sweater and you know what I'm talking about - adorned with kelly green Christmas trees, wreaths, kittens in Santa hats, and bells. Frankly that is the sort of crap that makes me shudder! And forget about wearing anything we wore last year. Never mind that it's already a year old and considered goodwill fodder at best, you know those other bitches we call our friends would talk about it behind our last year's turtlenecked backs. It's customary to subscribe to the old "buy on for you, buy two for me" school of thought, and if I find a fabulous blouse that I know you will love and look exquisite wearing, you better believe that I will be getting two for myself and wearing mine before you even unwrap yours! This is, in fact, where the phrase, "Don We Now Our Gay Apparel" comes from. Fa la la, la la la, la - la - Laaaaa!
As far as traditional foods go, we literally have cookbooks full of fancy holiday drink recipes (nobody actually consumes FOOD @ these parties), phonebooks full of hunky shirtless caterers, and every copy of Martha Stewart's Simple Living (that's an oxymoron if I've ever heard one) ever published. In short, our cocktailed asses are more than covered as far as the holiday hostess role is concerned.
And last but not least, there are our actual "family celebrations" to consider. We have long ago grown accustomed to being the life of the party, and when the only competition for the spotlight comes from seeing which of your uncles can fart the loudest after dinner (and consuming too many beers), it's no wonder we run from our Mother's front doors and into the open arms of our favorite bartenders. I happen to know that my favorite watering hole doubles its booze order for the evening of 12/25.
So, Happy Holidays! Enjoy your traditions and your celebrations and remember, if your gifts are impeccably wrapped, your tree looks like it should be in the front window display at Macy's, and your cocktail is garnished with a fancy little miniature red and white swirled swizzle stick, then you most likely have one of my FAMILY members to thank for it.

Family Tragedy

I love my mother very much. As much as I don't like to admit it sometimes, I am more like her everyday. She has many wonderful attributes that I can proudly say I have inherited, and then there are the things I look at and see from her example that I would rather not emulate. One of these little flaws is the "Family Crisis."
You see, every time something slightly out of the ordinary occurs, my Mother makes it into rather a large production. Recently my uncle went in for a minor, out patient surgery. I found out that it was no big deal only AFTER my mother had called to tell me he was practically at death's door. She was rushing to the hospital to be with him and I should be on stand by to fly home at a moments notice. It was only after talking to her less dramatic middle sister that I got the real scoop - an abscess being drained, no big whoop, don't even worry about it-I can't believe she called you, etc.
But you see, I found myself buying into the drama of it all. . . not a good sign. Before you know it my hangnails will all require a week off work and all my loved ones gathered at my bedside and my mother calling in the priest to give me my last rights.

And I quote...

I am known in some circles for a certain brand of Midwestern "isms" that can mostly be attributed to the more colorful members of my family. What can I say? My little sayings sometimes sum things up quite succinctly and with a touch of humor to boot. All I can say about the following quotes is, I wish I'd said that first!

"Tragedy is a test of courage. If you can meet it bravely, it will leave you bigger than it found you." A Star is Born

"Why slap them on the wrist with a feather when you can belt them over the head with a sledgehammer?" Katherine Hepburn

I have next week off - talk about being thankful! This year, I'm not planning on seeing my family (I'll do that in December) for Thanksgiving. Instead, I am going to relax, visit with friends I don't usually get to see during the week, drink a bit, eat a lot, and really give some serious thought to things I am thankful for. Too often I think I am guilty of being thankful for what I have when I am faced with the misfortune of others. We see someone we know, or don't know, in a bad situation of loss or despair, and we think, "Well thank God I'm not that bad off!" or, "Thankfully, that's them and not me!" I challenge everyone to start each day finding at least one thing to say thanks for. When we begin with thanks, it is hard to start feeling sorry for ourselves about the sky full of crap that sometimes falls in our laps. I know I already mentioned making a list of things you are thankful for in a previous blog, and whether or not you have read that blog or not, I encourage you to stop what you're doing (well, not reading this, but you know what I mean), get out a utensil for writing, and write down 10 things that make you happy or that you are thankful for. If you're anything like me, you will not only realize how lucky you are, but you may just see a shift in your attitude.

To quote a truly gifted author. . .

One of my favorite books is, "I Am Not Myself These Days" by Josh Kilmer-Purcell. If you have not read this memoir, I strongly recommend it as it brings insight into a lifestyle that most will not experience (actually, besides the author, I wonder if ANYONE will experience) and many may not even consider to exist. It is full of quotable lines, but one of my favorites is:
"All airs of modesty are disposed of in the dressing room. We're all wizards here, and we're all behind the curtain. Nothing to hide in Oz."
No matter what we do professionally or personally, we all have those "behind the curtain" expereinces that make our world a mystery to others. Even if these things are illusions, it adds an air of mystery that can keep our lives fresh and vibrant. As we head into the weekend, don't forget to relish the wizardly aspects of your life - we're all a little bit magical!